Funny Text Conversation Husband and Wife I Will Run You Over With My Midlife Crisis
Are you having something of a midlife crisis or is your partner currently going through one? Are you telling yourself 'I wish it would just end!'.
You don't have to be married or co-habiting to have a midlife crisis but the impact it has not just on your life but on those around you can be difficult and traumatic – the mood swings, buying trendy clothes, the new car or extra-marital affair – but how do we know when it's coming to an end. Or does it ever end?
In a previous post we discsussed how long a midlife crisis can last and the signs that indicate your spouse/partner (or indeed yourself) may be going through a such a tumultuous phase. This time we're going to take a look at the signs which may indicate a crisis is reaching its end point and showing that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
What Are The Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis?
We suggest you refer back to the post mentioned above for a fuller list of signs and symptoms that you or a loved one may be experiencing, but some key pointers are:
- A sudden change of appearance – losing weight/colouring away grey hair/new clothes etc
- Staying out late
- Lack of affection/no interest in sex with spouse/partner
- Not communicating/sharing and/or picking arguments for no reason
- Prolonged absences from home (the suddenly arranged 'work trip')
- Purchasing expensive gadgets, a flashy sport car (even if finances don't allow for these expenses!)
- Depression/sleep problems
Determining if any of the things listed above are actually signs of a midlife crisis or a reflection of an inner dissatisfaction with the state of the individuals' life in general, is somewhat subjective. What for one person may be a genuine sign of a crisis could, for someone else, actually be just the realisation that they are truly unhappy with something in their life and changing that one thing will set them back on an even keel.
For the spouse or partner of someone displaying signs of a midlife crisis there will inevitably be the feeling that perhaps it's something they have done (or not done) which is causing or contributing to the problem. Many (women in particular) will bend over backwards to accommodate the behaviour being displayed by their partner; they will change perceived flaws in themselves hoping that by doing so they will 'fix' the problems in the relationship.
IS LIFE GETTING ON TOP OF YOU?
However, if the problems are actually caused by something entirely within their spouses head it is highly unlikely that changing appearance/becoming more sociable (or whatever the spouse says is the issue) will suddenly get the marriage/partnership back on track.
At the end of the day only the person experiencing a midlife crisis can work through whatever it is causing them to feel the way they do; no amount of help/love/understanding from their spouse or partner is going to make the slightest bit of difference if they don't want it to.
Sometimes it won't matter what the person who has loved them for years does/says and no amount of patiently waiting for the midlife crisis to end will be enough if the other person walks away without a backwards glance.
In this scenario, the spouse left behind will need to understand, on a deep level, that it is categorically NOT their fault that the marriage has ended. Blaming themselves for something totally out of their control, i.e. the other person's feelings and behaviour, is not helpful in trying to rebuild a life shattered by an unwanted divorce or separation.
What Are The Solutions to Ending a Midlife Crisis?
Often, a midlife crisis will simply run its course and intervention either by a spouse or a professional, e.g. marriage guidance counsellor, may do little to change the outcome – but this is not until a serious amount of stress and angst has been caused, won. lost and fought over.
However, if the individual is exhibiting dangerous or risky behaviours or showing signs of clinical depression (suicidal thoughts/low self-esteem/major sleep problems) then it may be necessary to call in expert help. Persuading the sufferer to seek such help may not be easy but at the very least a referral to their GP should be suggested.
The coaches here at Success Stream can help guide you through the best approaches.
If your spouse or partner has not cut off communication with you (see the bullet points above) and you are still able to talk openly tean we would suggest that is exactly what you do! Share how their behaviour affects you and the wider family (they may not be aware of the impact they are having), emphasise that they are loved, are important and point out all the positives in their life.
The saying 'can't see the woods from the trees' is especially relevant to someone going through a midlife crisis when it is highly likely they are concentrating only on the perceived negatives of ageing and not the wonderful possibilities that could be opening up for them.
Where marriage is concerned, sometimes, despite everything a spouse does to be supportive during their partners midlife crisis, it will unfortunately come to an end. It may be that this would have been the eventual outcome in any case – people do naturally grow apart, life goals and expectations do change and the midlife crisis may not have been the root cause of the marriage ending, merely a symptom.
Life after divorce DOES go on and you should try to see it as a new beginning NOT an end.
We've talked extensively here about spouses/partners but it is important to recognise that one can still experience a midlife crisis as a single person!
Of course, the main difference is that actions/changes will affect only the person in crisis (unless there are children from previous relationships) and so the impact will be less widespread.
A single person experiencing a midlife crisis may not however have the same kind of support network to lean on. It may therefore be beneficial for them to seek out groups, perhaps associated with any hobbies/interests, in order to negate any sense of isolation.
Work Through the Crisis
A midlife crisis will likely come to an end (otherwise it might become clinical depression or a mental illness) but are there any signs you can look out for which could signal that better times are just around the corner?
If your spouse pushed you away, stopped communicating and went their own way for a period of time, maybe even had an affair or affairs, a sudden return to pre-midlife crisis behaviours could signify that they are beginning to realise the grass was not in fact greener outside of your relationship.
Spending more time in the family home, doing things they used to, and trying to rebuild the bridges they had burned, may indicate that they have worked through, or nearly worked through, whatever internal issues they had which caused them to push against their status quo.
Does he/she appear to be becoming 'more at peace' with themselves? Does their angst appear to have lessened and do they seem calmer?
A midlife crisis can often hinge on an individual needing to 'fix' something within themselves – often they don't actually know what that something is, they are just aware that something is missing/wrong and they may have avoided the issue for years. Finally, a trigger – perhaps the first grey hairs/loss of fitness/realisation of mortality – kick starts a need to try and work out what needs fixing.
Some people buy the sports car/have an affair/change jobs, whilst others take a more spiritual approach to working out what is lacking in their lives. They may never fully work out what the problem(s) was but will hopefully come out the other side a more fulfilled individual, one who finally understands the blessings in their life.
One thing is certain though, the spouse who has passed through a midlife crisis will not be the same person they were before; it is therefore up to the one who patiently, or not, waited for the crisis to end to determine if this 'new' person is someone they wish to spend the rest of their lives with. If this is something you are struggling with yourself, please remember that we at Success Stream are here to help.
How Do Non-Marital Midlife Crises End?
Not all midlife crises are about relationships. It may be a realisation your career is going nowhere. Consider then what job satisfaction means to you. Are you bored at work? Do you want more responsibility? Less responsibility? More time with the family? More money (this isn't always the biggest issue)? Are you looking at retiring in ten years and are suddenly aware there's simply no way you could afford it? Perhaps you're just sick to death of your current job and are dying for a new lease of life?
Is it a realisation that for the past 20 years you've put no effort into your career and merely bumbled along with a Monday-Friday, 9-5, but you see your friends taking foreign holidays, regularly eating out and generally prospering, and wonder 'How did they do that? How did they get there?' and 'Why can't I do that' or more importantly 'Why didn't I do that?'.
In today's world, job satisfaction is important to many of us. Perhaps getting that change in career is all you need; maybe it's a pay rise; maybe a move to a different company.
Once these weights are off your mind it is so much easier to enjoy one's life when the shackles, stresses and strains that you identified before are removed.
Improving your career and prospects may be just the solution to ending a midlife crisis.
Does The End of a Midlife Crisis Differ Between Men and Women?
Men and women experience midlife crisis differently (our earlier article on understanding how long a midlife crisis lasts talks about this) and so it stands to reason that the end of such a crisis will be different.
For women, whose midlife crisis is often triggered by the menopause, the end may actually signify a new beginning, one free from the pain and inconvenience of menstruation and the risk of unwanted pregnancy.
They experience a renaissance and embrace the new possibilities the 'third age' brings once the children have flown the nest. Many post-menopausal women will say with some confidence that they are happier than they were in their youth as they are no longer afraid to be themselves!
With finances hopefully in a better state than earlier in life, the older woman will happily try new experiences, perhaps consider learning opportunities and look also at a career change. The pressure to conform to societal standards of youth and beauty is lessened (IF the woman has the self-confidence gained by life experience) and she is free to wear, be, do what is right for her.
Ageing SHOULD be EMPOWERING and provided one pays attention to diet and exercise there is absolutely no reason that old age should become a reason NOT to do things.
A man emerging from a midlife crisis however may still look back with some regret to the past; it is still the case, even in the 21st century that a man's persona is tied very closely to the work they do, the job they have and the income they earn. Once the job is 'taken' away with the advent of retirement, some men may undergo another crisis point where they suddenly feel worthless, useless etc. (particularly if they didn't address self-worth and self-esteem issues earlier in life…or in the midlife crisis).
Unlike his spouse who, as above, may feel a renewed sense of self as they pass through the menopause (and/or midlife crisis) an older man may feel a lack of direction and purpose.
Equally the man who reinvented his life during (or as a result of) his midlife crisis, may suddenly realise that all the changes he has made have not addressed whatever the problem was he was trying to fix. He may discover that the woman (or man) he replaced his wife with is not the soulmate he hoped for; the jazzy little sports car he 'needed' is suddenly too difficult to get in or out of and the fitness regime he started is becoming increasingly impossible to maintain.
At this point he may feel the need to start the cycle all over again – looking for happiness and fulfilment in all the wrong places. Instead of looking inwards for the answer, he attempts to change his material world again.
Is The Idea of a Midlife Crisis Changing?
A recent report by Goodyear Tyres has actually shown that 54% of those surveyed believe they are entering into so called 'middle age' with a completely different approach to previous generations and are actually learning to embrace getting older.
The term 'second-bounce' has been coined to replace 'midlife crisis' (yay) and it's all about feeling good about the future, learning from the past and taking stock. More of us are staying healthier for longer and there is no reason why our later years shouldn't be as fulfilling (or even better) than our younger ones.
It's all about mindset, perhaps previous generationsexpectedto feel old and 'past it', therefore that's exactly what they got; in this context a midlife crisis makes sense to a point. Contrast that mindset with the 'anything is possible no matter what age you are' that is becoming increasingly common – look at the likes of Madonna/Jonny Depp/Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Sharon Stone … the list goes on – all over 50, but successful, healthy and prosperous.
Our role models have changed and therefore so has our personal mindset – you're never too old to try something new!
How Do You Know If/When It Has Ended? What Are the Signs?
Let's be honest, solutions to midlife crisis depend entirely on what the problem is: solutions to a relationship are FAR DIFFERENT than solutions to the realisation your career is going nowhere, or the thought that you're not the spring chicken you once were and have never completed that marathon you said you would.
It might be the realisation that enough is enough, the transition to a new job, or partner, and this might take months, or it could take years. There will, however, be inner and outer displays/actions that show you've come out on the other side. They may, or may not, be apparent to you but they will be to others.
If you're trying to work out if your own life crisis has passed, look inside! Do you have asense of calm, of acceptance, of feeling you are where you should be and doing what you should be doing?
If the answers are yes then it is more than likely you have successfully negotiated your personal midlife crisis so WELL DONE!
You can ask your spouse or partner the same kind of questions to establish that they've now arrived in calmer waters. However, it's more than likely that you will have already noticed the changes (for the better) in their behaviour and outlook; they're loving, communicative, want to spend time with you and the family – in short,life feels happy again!
Remember, midlife crises are different for everyone.
Some people (apart from a bit of inner soul seeking) appear to sail through this stage of their lives, whilst others will rage and struggle to adapt. Life changes. People change – all the time.
What worked before may not work as you move into later life – don't get stuck thinking things have to stay the same. Learn to 'go with the flow' (meditation is good for this) and live for the now, not what was or will be.
Success Stream coaches are here to help, if it gets too much, reach out – we'll be here.
Let's get you over the finish line
Talk to us about getting more out of life.
Source: https://www.success-stream.co.uk/signs-midlife-crisis-coming-to-end/
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